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    I'm Amanda, a 21 year old Florida girl. I'm a student at the University of North Florida, where I'm majoring in Journalism. I love music, the beach and driving. My friends are my family, and I love hanging out at the movies, the hookah bar or a rock show. I want to pick up as many useless talents as possible and to travel the world taking pictures and having good times with my best friends. For more information about me, view my About page.
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How did I get here?

I have this sinking feeling that one of these days I am going to look back at this stage of my life and shake my head sadly at my collective… stupidity? Obnoxiousness? Incompetence? Oh, who knows.

I know that I have not done nearly as well in university as I did in high school. I am a little embarrassed about this, because I ROCKED high school. I graduated 23rd in my class (of 242… not excellent, but still well enough for me to be pleased with myself), earned a 1370 on the SAT and a 32 on the ACT, saw more than $100,000 in scholarship offers from five of the six universities that accepted me… Really, my high school career was almost impressive.

University has been a different story altogether. I am not doing well. By all rights, I could be. I am an intelligent girl. I learn quickly and have a knack for understanding concepts. I produce quality work. I know I could be making As. I should be making As.

And yet… I’m not. I’m scraping by, in large part because I simply do not care anymore. In high school, I cared a great honkin’ deal about my academic endeavors. I poured myself into my work, because I knew that my success in high school was vital to my college career. I knew I needed superior grades, excellent test scores and an extraordinary resume of extracurricular activities to get into good schools and to merit scholarship offers. I do not come from a particularly well-off family; without scholarships, I was going to have a hard time going to ANY school.

So I worked. I had a bulletin board at the entrance to my room, and I posted all manner of awards, scholarship offers and acceptance letters there. I even posted the occasional interest letter if it came from a particularly prestigious institution. I had my pick of schools to earn my bachelor’s degree at.

Here I am, though, at a university I hate doing work that bores me for and with people I simply don’t like. Three years ago, when I was choosing a college, I had narrowed my choices down to Agnes Scott College and the University of North Florida. I was an aspiring pre-med student, and I was looking at two severely different schools. In the end, I chose to follow logic, rather than my heart. The way I saw it, I could go wherever I wanted for medical school. I knew I would leave home one day, and I knew that staying home–going to school in Jacksonville, where I could continue living with my parents while I studied–would be the most practical decision for the immediate future. I would actually earn money from the school every semester for four years, because the scholarships UNF was offering me were so outstanding that they covered tuition and left me with a huge refund as long as I lived at home, where I didn’t have to pay room and board or rent. Considering I was going to have to pay huge amounts for medical school, going in without debt sounded like a pretty smart idea.

What I didn’t count on was changing my major three times or struggling for two years to finish the Honors program. The constant fight to do what I need to do just to graduate and get out of here has drained me, as have professors who simply don’t give the tiniest damn and who assign work that either doesn’t challenge me or isn’t relevant.

I wonder sometimes if things would have turned out differently at Agnes Scott. I really liked the school. I loved the city. It was something new, and there was something attractive and invigorating about it. UNF… I’m overwhelmed by this HATE every time I set foot on campus. The only good thing to come out of that school has been Alvaro (another blog for another time).

I keep trying to tell myself that there’s no use pondering the what-ifs. I’m here, and I have to finish what I’ve started. What else can I do?

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2 Responses

  1. I love this post. I am sorry to hear how you feel in regards to university life – however I sympathize and often feel similar.

    Thanks for posting and good luck with it all.

    -A

  2. Thank you for commenting; I appreciate the empathy. It’s a tough situation, but ranting about it sometimes helps.

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